Are you best friend material?

(Last Updated On: August 2, 2016)

I wrote this on National Best Friend Day, but is such a timeless message about friendship.

Do you have a best friend or two?

Friendship and acceptance are basic human needs written into our hearts by a loving Heavenly Father, so why is making friends so challenging? Why don’t I have more good friends?

For me, I had to stop worrying about what kinds of friends I wanted to have, and start thinking about what kind of friend I wanted to BE.

I had to stop worrying about the friends I have, and think about the friend I want to BE.… Click To Tweet

Do you instantly know the friend you will tag in a glowing social media post? She will be awed by your eloquent words and laugh because she was going to post the same picture of the two of you?

Timeless message about friendship. It is a basic need written into our hearts by a loving Heavenly Father, so why is making friends so challenging? I had to stop worrying about what kinds of friends I wanted to have, and start thinking about what kind of friend I wanted to BE.
My daughter and one of her dearest friends

Yeah, that probably won’t be me today. I wasn’t one of those girls who made a best friend in kindergarten who is still my best friend today.

In fact, I tend to make very few friends for life kind of friends. Maybe, that is partially this military life, partially my introverted nature.

Some of it is this season of young motherhood and deep parenting limits my time and energy for others. But I long for those kinds of friends.

I think about tagging my current bestie in a post, but think better of it. I’m not sure I’m her best friend, even though, without a doubt, she is mine in this season of my life. Timeless message about friendship. It is a basic need written into our hearts by a loving Heavenly Father, so why is making friends so challenging? I had to stop worrying about what kinds of friends I have, and start thinking about what kind of friend I wanted to BE.

At first, that thought hurts, the left out, ‘not good enough’ pang of rejection, but I don’t need to be her best friend for her to be mine.

Why is she my best friend?

  • I can always call her, no matter the time of day.
  • She is supportive, cheering me on when I am full of self-doubt.
  • I can count on her to take time for me, even when her own life is boiling over.
  • We don’t let trivial stuff interfere with our love for each other.
  • She encourages my walk with Christ.
  • When my life is falling apart, I know she’ll listen, offer to punch someone 😉 , and give me gentle advice after validating how I feel.
  • She genuinely celebrates my joys and successes.
  • No matter what is happening with her, she always leaves room to talk about my stuff.
  • Grace comes first in all our interactions. She is honest with me when I hurt her feelings, and we work through the issues to untangle our conversations.

The number of friends I have that meet all these criteria is tiny, one hand kind of small.

Proverbs 18:24 ESV “A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”

Sometimes, it hurts to know women in my life have passed me over for this kind of friendship, but then I realize, I’ve passed others up too. I’ve been too busy. I let small hurts or slights be a barrier instead of growing to love them. I’ve been consumed with being a wife or mom.

Today, instead of feeling rejected, I want to feel convicted.

#BestFriendDay Instead of rejected, I want to feel convicted! Am I best friend material? Click To Tweet

Am I best friend material?

I want to stop worrying about how many friends I have and focus what kind of friend I am.

Proverbs 17:17 ESV “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.”

  • Am I a friend people know they can call?
  • Have I learned to let grace pepper all my interactions?
  • Do I forgive small hurts and continue to seek out friendship?
  • Am I encouraging and supportive?
  • Have I learned to listen as much as I speak?
  • Do I draw people to Christ because they see Him in me?
  • Do I love them as much as I lean on them?

Deep friendships take cultivating, lots of grace and forgiveness, and two people devoted to friendship.

Instead of wondering about all the women I’ve missed, I’m going to thank God for those I have, because those small handful of ladies make me a better friend and better woman, and much better Christian.

As for National Best Friend Day, I plan to work on being the kind of friend people need, whether for a season or a lifetime.

Being used by God to love & reach people is always right where I need to be.

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17 Replies to “Are you best friend material?”

  1. This is beautiful, Jen. What a great idea to think about what kind of friend I am to my friends on this day vs. only focusing on the friends in my life who are good friends to me. I am in a busy season of life, which has caused me to not be as present for my friends as I would like. Although time and obligations are true barriers, I see that I can be doing more! And from what I know of you, any woman would be lucky to call you friend!

    1. Thank you, Laura! I sense camaraderie when I read your blog too. It is hard for me to be a friend sometimes because I like solitary time a lot. I need to remember that others don’t and to make a point to come out of my hermitage once in awhile for them.

  2. You know what, Jen? I don’t have a best girl friend either. I have my husband and that’s about it. Sure I have “friends” at church and Bible study but I don’t consider any of them my best friends. I am very much like you. I didn’t make childhood friends that lasted a life time and I still don’t have many friends. But I realize that most of that is my fault. I don’t try hard enough anymore. So I will be working on learning to be a friend, too.

    1. Certainly being a better friend is something that will make a huge difference for people you meet. I know it has made a big difference in my life just recently, and I hope it will continue to bring me some wonderful women.

  3. It takes a lot of work to nurture grown up friendships – and I have worked hard and made it a priority. And then I started decluttering my house. And my thoughts. And I prayed that God would remove those from my life that weren’t supposed to be in my journey, that weren’t the people that He wanted in my life, and I wasn’t surprised by the sense of release that started to come my way. There are a few people that I’m totally okay with not making a priority in my life, no matter how close we used to be – I can see how I am changing and growing and am okay that they don’t make this next part of the journey with me.
    Not easy, but worth it. Sends me running to pray sometimes, but that’s a good thing! I’m very loyal, but only have a few close friends, and as those are going away, I worry that I’ll never have friends again… and that’s when I stop and pray some more!

    and no, I didn’t tag anyone on BFF day 🙂

    1. I really don’t want to let people go. I want them in my life. It hurts when people I’ve prayed with and over have walked away from my friendship. It hurts when people let my faith dictate whether they can be my friend even though I never let their sin get in the way of loving them. But God says they rejected Jesus and will reject Jesus in us.

  4. Yeah, I don’t really have anyone like that in my life…when all your friends have small children is there anyone you could call anytime of the day?? Lol. It is so hard to develop deep relationships in today busy day and age. Everyone is too busy for us.

  5. I’ve made a lot of friends since we moved to Oklahoma over a year ago, but I still miss the kind of friendship I used to have with my besties. It’s so easy to feel like the girl who’s left out when everyone else has basically grown up here, and then the normal feelings of insecurity that always creep in no matter what. I really appreciate your encouragement to think about the type of friend I want to be instead of the one I want to have!

  6. I don’t have so much time for friends. However, I never felt the need for friends because I have two sisters who I am best friends with. We talk on the phone every day and they mean the world to me. They live 1 hour and 20 minutes (that’s one way) away from me but I try to see them once a week. It is a blessing to know that I can share everything with them. That they wish the best for me. I pray my children will be as close as my sisters are. Ive had best friends growing up but once I got married or moved away we stopped communicating. I have been thinking lately what I look for in friendships and what kind of friend I want to be. Thanks for sharing. 🙂

  7. I really love this! I have struggled with many girlfriends and never feel I really connect with many, but I love how you take it back to ourselves. How we need to make sure we are being the kind of woman others want to befriend first and foremost!

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