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Are you Best Friend Material?

A need for a best friend is written on our hearts by our Heavenly Father, and He convicts me to focus on the kind of friend I am. Am I best friend material?(Last Updated On: August 1, 2017)

Am I best friend material? I’m a good person. I’m loyal and kind. I would have said yes to this question a few years ago.

And I would have been wrong.

God has been walking me through a deeper understanding of friendships and relationships because part of ministering to women is knowing how to love them. I knew how to teach them, how to speak to them, but I needed to learn to just love them.

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Do you have a best friend or two?

Friendship and acceptance are basic human needs written into our hearts by a loving Heavenly Father, so why does it seem like making friends so challenging?

For me, I had to stop worrying about what kinds of friends I wanted to have, and start thinking about what kind of friend I wanted to BE.

I had to stop worrying about the friends I have, and think about the friend I want to BE. #NationalGirlfriendDay Click To Tweet

When everyone on Twitter is trending #BestFriendDay, do you instantly know the friend you will tag in a glowing social media post? She will be awed by your eloquent words and laugh because she was going to post the same picture of the two of you?

Yeah, that won’t be me today. I wasn’t one of those girls who made a best friend in kindergarten who is still my best friend today.

In fact, I’ve struggled to build deep friendships since leaving my last job. Maybe, the challenge is partially this transient military life, partially my introverted nature. Also, this season of young motherhood and deep parenting limits my time and energy for others.

But I long for those kinds of friends.

I’ve also become convicted that God didn’t give me just one friend, but many if I take the time to really look around my life. And some of the silly social media games we play, end up hurting those who we exclude, even if that was not our intention.

And I’ve realized I have different best friends for different areas of my life.

I have friends who need my wisdom more right now. I have friends who make me laugh more right now. Some friends are super encouraging cheerleaders! Some friends convict and push me deeper in my walk with Christ. Some are just slugging through the trenches of marriage and motherhood with me.

God has planted several women in my life who are not my one and only best friend, but are the best kind of friends, the ones who will drop everything and pray for me with just a text message.

A best friend will stop and pray with you. Are you best friend material?

Over the past couple of years I had to examine my friendships, especially those real heart sisters, and ask myself . . .

Why is she my best friend?

  • I can always call her, no matter the time of day.
  • She is supportive, cheering me on when I am full of self-doubt.
  • I can count on her to take time for me, even when her own life is boiling over.
  • We don’t let trivial stuff interfere with our love for each other.
  • She encourages my walk with Christ.
  • When my life is falling apart, I know she’ll listen, offer to punch someone 😉 , and give me gentle advice after validating how I feel.
  • She genuinely celebrates my joys and successes.
  • No matter what is happening with her, she always leaves room to talk about my stuff.
  • She will drop everything and pray with me or for me. She prays for my children.
  • Grace comes first in all our interactions. She is honest with me when I hurt her feelings, and we work through the issues to untangle our conversations.

A need for a best friend is written on our hearts by our Heavenly Father, and He convicts me to focus on the kind of friend I am. Am I best friend material?

Proverbs 18:24 ESV “A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”

The number of friends I have that meet all these criteria is tiny, one hand kind of small, but they are my tribe.

It’s taken me a long time to realize that not everyone has TV-sitcom friendships. Women come in and out of our lives for a season. But knowing what I’ve learned about friendship recently, I am convicted that I have missed the chance to build deep friendships with some women around me.

I was too busy looking for a best friend. I missed chances to be one.

Being consumed with being a wife or mother, I’ve overlooked someone who needed a friend. Or I let small hurts or slights be a barrier instead of seeking unity and peace within the body of Christ.

Today, instead of feeling rejected, I want to feel convicted.

#BestFriendDay Instead of rejected, I want to feel convicted! Am I best friend material? Click To Tweet

Am I best friend material?

I want to stop worrying about how many friends I have and focus what kind of friend I am.

Proverbs 17:17 ESV “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.”

  • Am I a friend people know they can call?
  • Have I learned to let grace season all my interactions?
  • Do I forgive small hurts and continue to seek out friendship?
  • Am I encouraging and supportive?
  • Have I learned to listen as much as I speak?
  • Am I willing to love someone who can’t love me back right now?
  • Do I draw people to Christ because they see Him in me?
  • Do I love them as much as I lean on them?

Deep friendships take cultivating to produce fruit, lots of grace and forgiveness, and devotion to Christ first, then the relationship.

Cultivating Friendships takes hard work to produce fruit. Are you best friend material?

I thank God for the friends I have, because that small handful of ladies make me a better friend, better woman, and better Christian.

And I’m going to continue to seek women who need a friend, whether they can be one or not, and work on being the kind of friend God asks of us as part of His family, whether the relationship is for a season or a lifetime.

Being used by God to love & reach people is always right where I’m called to be.

I think I might just be best friend material, yet.

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31 thoughts on “Are you Best Friend Material?

  1. Great article. I’ve made it my resolution this year to be more intentional about friendships and the Lord has greatly blessed me recently in this area. I have felt so lonely in this dept over the last few years and I see now that it was my own doing. I had too many qualifications, was chronically ill and sort of, well selfish. Not wanting to put the time into friendships but expecting them to fall into my lap. I have prayed for the Lord to show me those who feel this way so that I can seek them out. I don’t need to be the insecure one always waiting for people to include me. I’m taking more of the initiative. Don’t you feel good when someone asks you to lunch or to a movie? Be the person that asks!

    1. Great point. We need to be the friend we want to have.

  2. I completely get this! I also do not have one best friend, but several very close friends that meet different needs for me and I for them. I think while have a best friend from childhood and up may be the case for some people, it never was for me. I had a hard time connecting with people for long periods of time, I still do. My handful of friends is perfect for me though and I hope that I am as good a friend to them as they are for me!

    1. Connecting is hard! God has been pushing me to learn to connect with more people even if they aren’t people who will be lifelong friends.

  3. Amen to everything you said. What a timely article, too!
    May God continue to bless us with enriching friendships that flourish and bless each other.

  4. Thank you for this, I just lost my best friend of 10 years and it is so hard.

    1. I am so sorry for your loss! Praying for you during this difficult time.

  5. I always like to say that friends come in different flavors: one friend will touch your life in your “grandparenting/parenting,” another one will touch your life in your “online marketing,” another one holds you accountable with weight loss/eating. Those kinds of things! Love this!

    1. Exactly! Thank you!

  6. This is so true, God does have some people enter our lives for just a small season, a few weeks or months or a lifetime. I am a military brat so for most of my childhood and adolescenct years my friends were my family. Over the years, I have about three of those relationships that I value like sisters still today . I also have some wonderful blood relatives, my mom, sister, aunts, nieces, and some of my cousins. I have an amazing church family and that extends outside of the walls where I worship. Social media has helped me reconnect with alot of old friends, some are closer now than when we saw each other everyday. Being friends is hard at times. Everyone has unique and daily challenges. We are all living busy lives. Women have so much to accomplish each day. I am so thankful for the “best” friends who pray, laugh, love, struggle, cry, hurt, smile, champion, support, keep me accoutable, share thier lives with me and give part themselves each day being a true friend. I have been blessed with some amazing friends at different times in my life. I am thankful for the inner circle of friends that I can live life with. Sometimes I give uncondiotional love in friendship, and sometimes I am given the same (or more). I thank God for each day for the few womem that are constant in my life, even if thst might just be a hug, smile, or a how are you when they really want a truthful answer. I am so grateful for the friendships God has allowed to grow, some as strong and old as an oaktree and some a fresh as the sunrise. I know God has a plan for me and thank Him for placing “best” friends in my life. Jen, I count amoung the “best”.

    1. Oh thank you so much, sweetheart!

  7. Jennifer, You’ve raised questions that I think most women ask of themselves. Very insightful and thought~provoking. Having friends is a great gift. When I was a little girl, we had a song, “Make new friends, but keep the old; some are silver and the other gold.” All are treasures.

    1. I remember that song; you are so correct

  8. I really love this! I have struggled with many girlfriends and never feel I really connect with many, but I love how you take it back to ourselves. How we need to make sure we are being the kind of woman others want to befriend first and foremost!

    1. I find that draws the right women to us!

  9. I don’t have so much time for friends. However, I never felt the need for friends because I have two sisters who I am best friends with. We talk on the phone every day and they mean the world to me. They live 1 hour and 20 minutes (that’s one way) away from me but I try to see them once a week. It is a blessing to know that I can share everything with them. That they wish the best for me. I pray my children will be as close as my sisters are. Ive had best friends growing up but once I got married or moved away we stopped communicating. I have been thinking lately what I look for in friendships and what kind of friend I want to be. Thanks for sharing. 🙂

    1. You are very lucky to have such close sisters. Those are best friends.

  10. I’ve made a lot of friends since we moved to Oklahoma over a year ago, but I still miss the kind of friendship I used to have with my besties. It’s so easy to feel like the girl who’s left out when everyone else has basically grown up here, and then the normal feelings of insecurity that always creep in no matter what. I really appreciate your encouragement to think about the type of friend I want to be instead of the one I want to have!

    1. I wish we were closer. I feel like we’d be fast friends

  11. Yeah, I don’t really have anyone like that in my life…when all your friends have small children is there anyone you could call anytime of the day?? Lol. It is so hard to develop deep relationships in today busy day and age. Everyone is too busy for us.

    1. Why it is so important that we stop and take time for others and build that into our lives

  12. It takes a lot of work to nurture grown up friendships – and I have worked hard and made it a priority. And then I started decluttering my house. And my thoughts. And I prayed that God would remove those from my life that weren’t supposed to be in my journey, that weren’t the people that He wanted in my life, and I wasn’t surprised by the sense of release that started to come my way. There are a few people that I’m totally okay with not making a priority in my life, no matter how close we used to be – I can see how I am changing and growing and am okay that they don’t make this next part of the journey with me.
    Not easy, but worth it. Sends me running to pray sometimes, but that’s a good thing! I’m very loyal, but only have a few close friends, and as those are going away, I worry that I’ll never have friends again… and that’s when I stop and pray some more!

    and no, I didn’t tag anyone on BFF day 🙂

    1. I really don’t want to let people go. I want them in my life. It hurts when people I’ve prayed with and over have walked away from my friendship. It hurts when people let my faith dictate whether they can be my friend even though I never let their sin get in the way of loving them. But God says they rejected Jesus and will reject Jesus in us.

  13. I feel the same way! I’ve always struggled with not having a best friend, although as I get older, it has drawn me closer to the relationship with the Lord and reminded me how HE the best friend of all! Great post!

  14. You know what, Jen? I don’t have a best girl friend either. I have my husband and that’s about it. Sure I have “friends” at church and Bible study but I don’t consider any of them my best friends. I am very much like you. I didn’t make childhood friends that lasted a life time and I still don’t have many friends. But I realize that most of that is my fault. I don’t try hard enough anymore. So I will be working on learning to be a friend, too.

    1. Certainly being a better friend is something that will make a huge difference for people you meet. I know it has made a big difference in my life just recently, and I hope it will continue to bring me some wonderful women.

  15. learning how to be a best friend – that’s my thing these days 😀

  16. This is beautiful, Jen. What a great idea to think about what kind of friend I am to my friends on this day vs. only focusing on the friends in my life who are good friends to me. I am in a busy season of life, which has caused me to not be as present for my friends as I would like. Although time and obligations are true barriers, I see that I can be doing more! And from what I know of you, any woman would be lucky to call you friend!

    1. Thank you, Laura! I sense camaraderie when I read your blog too. It is hard for me to be a friend sometimes because I like solitary time a lot. I need to remember that others don’t and to make a point to come out of my hermitage once in awhile for them.

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