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How to Be a Godly Woman in a Modern World

Trying to be a Godly woman in a modern world often feels like running my hand across a barbed wire fence, so how do we stand firm in our faith?

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Trying to be a Godly woman in a modern world often feels like running my hand across a barbed wire fence, lots of sharp places waiting to trip me up. So how do we stand firm in our faith?

The world’s ideas of modern femininity surround us. Entertainment, politics, and even education proclaim what it means to be a woman. Trying to avoid the current cultural definition of femininity would be like trying to take a bath without getting wet.

I know I won’t navigate it perfectly, but I want to be a woman after God’s heart most of all.

So how do we combat the onslaught?

Be in the Word Daily.

Imagine a hard, dry sponge dropped into dirty water. The sponge will immediately soak up the filthy water surrounding it.

Now, immerse a dry sponge in clean water until it’s saturated. When the full sponge sits in the dirty water, the filth rests surface deep. It is so filled with pure water, it can’t hold anything else.

We need to be so full of God’s purity that the world has no hold over us.

How to be a Godly Woman in a Modern World - Be so full of purity that the world has no hold. Click To Tweet

When we read God’s word, we become saturated with His purity. We become full of His definitions for who we are, His standards, His love and grace.

We need to be so full of God's purity that the world has no hold over us.

But the longer that clean sponge sits in the greasy sink, the dirtier it gets. Just as the longer we are in the world, the more we absorb its answers for who we are supposed to be. We need to be continually refilling ourselves from the Bible.

Proverbs 1:7 tell us the beginning of knowledge is a fear of the Lord. We recognize God’s righteousness through staying in His word.

God is perfectly holy in a way that I will never achieve, but by reading my Bible everyday, I see the joy of the journey is in those moments I willfully choose His righteousness over the world.

A Godly woman uses God’s standards for beauty.

I was teased mercilessly in elementary school. “Horse face” “Ugly” “Fish Face” were names I heard more often than my own. That broken sense of identity led me to seek physical beauty and polished perfection above all else for most of my life.

What I couldn’t see was how beautiful I already was in all the ways that really mattered. I was kind, creative, funny with a heart for others and a love for Christ.

1 Peter 3:4 ESV  “But let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.”

When I consider the emotional energy I’ve wasted pursuing an idealized airbrushed version of beauty, I feel a bit broken. I’ve beaten myself up so needlessly over the numbers on a scale or a smile that isn’t tissue test white.

Trying to be a Godly woman in a modern world often feels like running my hand across a barbed wire fence, lots of sharp places waiting to trip me up.

Wonderfully, God promises us the imperishable beauty of a quiet and gentle spirit precious in His sight.

A Godly woman chooses the imperishable beauty of a quiet, gentle spirit precious in His sight. Click To Tweet

While I won’t claim to have conquered it, God has me on a journey right now of learning my true beauty is in the gentleness of my spirit, not my physical body. When I am gentle and loving, I am more beautiful no matter my waist size or hair style, even without make-up.

We choose Godly role models and friends.

It’s human nature to imitate what we see. Watch two people having a conversation, they’ll imitate posture, facial expressions, and tone. It’s called mirroring, and we do it subconsciously.

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If we’re going to imitate the people in our lives, choosing good ones is really important. So much so, that God put directions for mentorship in the Bible.

Titus 2:3-4 ESV  Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children.

We need to look for reverent women. We cannot expect perfection, but women truly pursuing holiness bear fruit in their lives.

I look to my mentor for guidance. She handles challenges with patience and grace. I see how God blesses and works in her family and her marriage. I imagine her voice when facing difficult moments. Her influence has made me a better wife, mother, woman. I have drawn closer to God under her guidance.

Being surrounded by women that are pursuing holiness affirms our faith and encourages us in fellowship. We need to share this journey.

We need Godly women to join us on our journey.

Standing alone against the tide of sin is hard. We need the strength and examples of Godly women to be able to face life’s challenges.

Being saturated in the Word, defining ourselves by God’s standards, and surrounding ourselves with Godly women are three ways to stand strong in our faith despite a culture that often runs opposite to whom God has called us to be.

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Easy Ways to Make the Bible Kid Friendly for Family Bible Week

It's Family Bible week! How do we make the Bible central in the lives of our children and home in a meaningful way that brings scriptures to life?

The Bible is the book we Christians would say is the most important in our homes, but how do we make it truly central in the lives of our children and home in a meaningful way that brings scriptures to life especially during Family Bible Week, May 6-13?

My daughter was given her first toddler board book bible before she could walk. We read the stories together regularly, although probably not as often as I wish we had. The days go by so fast!

But the real difference maker for my daughter was the Beginner’s Bible set. We played the CDs for her at nap-time and bed until they were skipping and nearly worn out.

I quickly uploaded them onto an old iPod, making the bible at my daughter’s fingertips whenever she wanted. Now, even at six, it’s a favorite.

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The word of God is a lamp in dark times. Turn it on! #FamilyBibleWeek #YouVersion Click To Tweet

I was truly surprised at the number of times a week I would find her just playing with her toys while listening to her bible in her room. She loved hearing all her favorite stories.

Around four years old, she realized that the stories aligned with the paper pages we read together. It took her awhile to gain the developmental skill necessary to connect the exact story on the CD with the book and follow along, but she eventually did, which was exciting to watch spiritually and educationally.

Although, my focus is more on her salvation than education, she was learning about Jesus and how to read at the same time: Win-WIN!

Measuring Stick

She also loves the DVD versions of these stories. Many are available on YouTube if you want to preview them. She must have watched David and Goliath a hundred times.

Having this Beginner’s Bible in print, audio, and video utilized all the learning styles and gave her a wonderful foundation for understanding scriptures.

At 4, we added the Jesus Storybook Bible because I loved how it demonstrates all the stories actually point toward Christ. It’s not a bad resource for adult believers either.

While I’m currently researching her next bible/cd set, leaning toward the Adventure Bible, I also think it’s important to include the adult bible in our family (even when it might be beyond her developmental level).

How do I incorporate an adult version of the Bible into our family times?
  1. I read and study the bible myself. She needs to see me reading it and treating the bible with reverence in my daily life. Nothing I say will teach her more than what I do.
  2. I listen to the audio YouVersion bible app while we’re driving places and give her a chance to ask questions or I explain the importance of the passage on her level.
  3. I use verses and stories to teach her daily values and lessons about Christian living. We talk about prayer, consequences for her actions, how to serve, how to live together in Christian community.

Nothing is more important than sharing the Bible and Christ with my daughter. In addition to her own salvation, for which I pray often, her faithful life could affect the lives of so many.

God’s word is a lamp in a dark world. Turn it on for your family.

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1 Bible verse to be a Better, More Consistent Parent

Can 1 Bible verse help me be a better, more consistent parent? Can being firm actually be more loving? God's love letter answers me in unexpected ways.

Can 1 Bible lesson from James soften my heart and help me be a better, more consistent parent? Could standing firm actually make me more loving?

One of my favorite experiences as a believer is how God’s word has become this amazing love letter and an active presence in my life as I spend time in it.

Proverbs 7:1,3 (ESV1 My son, keep my words and treasure up my commandments within you  . . .  3 Bind them on your fingers; write them on the tablet of your heart.

When I face struggles, God brings His peace and answers to my mind, helping me understand why we write His treasured words on our hearts.

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But how does the Bible actually help me be a better, more loving, more consistent parent?

Being MOM is challenging in ways I never imagined. Oh, the things we have to say . . .

“No, it’s NOT mommy’s job to unstick your wedgie!” was a real conversation I had to have MORE THAN ONCE.

While it has humorous moments, it’s also a fight that erodes our peace and strength at times. I just grow weary: weary of repeating myself, weary of the same tasks and chores, weary of the same issues over and over.

I’ve learned parenting is really front lines Ephesians 6 battle for the souls and futures of my family. We fight human failings and sinful natures. Every attitude and decision shapes the atmosphere of my home, transforming our relationships with each other and with God.

Can 1 Bible verse help me be a better, more consistent parent? Can being firm actually be more loving? God's love letter answers me in unexpected ways.

Knowing God’s truths prepares my heart to face my battles with righteousness and peace, even when my largest combatant is around 4 feet tall. 😉

But sometimes the lessons come from unexpected places, verses I wouldn’t have found searching for parenting wisdom, but verses that help me clearly understand the character God wants me to have.



One week last year was full and busy with my older boys visiting from their mother’s. The house feels bustling, complete, joyous when they are here, but we also enjoy a messy chaos. But asking for help with cleaning tasks seems to release the inner debater in my children.

As I dusted, I prayed over my frustration with them. Why does it always have to be a debate?

Can 1 Bible lesson help me be a better, more consistent parent? Can being firm actually be more loving? God's love letter answers me in unexpected ways.

And a verse came to mind.

James 5:12b ESV  .  .  .  but let your “yes” be yes and your “no” be no, so that you may not fall under condemnation.

While in context, this verse is about making oaths, I immediately felt convicted about my reluctance to hold firm to my parenting expectations. It may not directly relate, but the essence of the verse is to mean what we say and stick to it.

And as parents, our expectations are a type of promise because they help our children know what to expect from us and who we really are.

Consistent parenting is a promise that tells our children what to expect & who we are. Click To Tweet

As a child, I despised because I said so. I vowed to do my best to answer the why questions of my children. But in an effort to help my children understand, I’ve taught them too much is open to negotiation.

Kids need clear directions from a consistent parent.

By letting my NO mean MAYBE too many times, I’ve sabotaged myself as a parent, and perhaps done a disservice to them as children in God’s family, too. As an adult, I’ve had to learn obedience to God is often doing without knowing why right away.

Of course, kids will always challenge boundaries, but consistency allows me to stay calm and peaceful even when their disobedience leads to consequences because I can be sad and disappointed with them in their poor choices.

Trying to always explain WHY, I've taught them too much is open to negotiation. Click To Tweet

Sometimes, I look into my daughter’s eyes pooling with tears, and I don’t want to send her to bed without dessert, but quietly holding her to the consequences will teach her the fruit of the spirit by example.

And that points her to Heaven, not Harvard.

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Pointing Fingers

Pointing fingers never lead me to the right answers. Only love did that. Heaven Not Harvard

I’ve seen a lot of Pointing Fingers on the internet in the past year about gay marriage, abortion, Planned Parenthood, Target’s restroom policy, etc.

But I haven’t see anyone change his/her opinion because of pointing fingers who declare they have a lock on the truth. Instead of arguing, I just wanted to tell you a small part of my story. Pointing fingers never lead me to the right answers. Only love did that. Heaven Not Harvard

Nothing I ever did was out of a desire to destroy my life or ruin my relationships or disrespect my parents, but I did do all of those things. From the time I was a teenager, hormones and burgeoning independence and following the popular cult of ME led my life down incrementally dark paths.

Pointing fingers never led me to God. Only love did. We must respond rightly to those stuck in sin. Click To Tweet

I made choices that felt good or seemed right at the time. I dated boys who treated me terribly because I believed I needed their affirmation of my worth. I lied and hid destructive behaviors and thoughts. Deep inside I knew I was hurting myself, but I didn’t see any way out of what I perceived as having already done too much wrong to ever be right.

Once I had sinned sexually, I felt dirty and spoiled. (Never mind that we all sin sexually. Whether it is an inappropriate thought, pornography, or physical acts, none of us stay completely pure.)  Somehow sexual sin seemed like the ONLY sin anyone was talking about, and I had already screwed that up. No one was talking about what to do after sexual sin. People talked generally about forgiveness, but it didn’t seem personal, and I didn’t know how to get it.

My dad, mom, church youth group, and pastors preached Bible verses at me. I knew all the right answers to the “good Christian” questions. I thought I knew God, but I hadn’t ever really let Him in, and I didn’t know the difference.

I tried hiding the hurt and pain, but that was like pouring caustic acid onto the floor and hoping a cute throw rug will hide it. It might do the trick temporarily, but the acid will keep eating away at everything underneath, leaving a dark, gaping hole of decay.

Hiding my pain was pouring acid on the floor & thinking a cute throw rug will hide it. Click To Tweet

I felt beyond hope, beyond redemption, that my only course of action was to run from God and everything God-adjacent. I thought He had to hate me for my weakness, and all the angry, shaming, pointing fingers just made me want to keep running and give God a big middle finger.

So I did. I lived by my own definition of morality, but I still felt worthless and hopeless underneath all the independent bravado. I even spent years attending church (using a prettier rug over the acid hole) and acting like a “Christian” on the surface, but every day felt like a battle to maintain the exterior facade.

My dad asked me this week, “So what finally changed?”

“I started hearing God’s voice over yours .  .  .” I said, and his deep voice erupted in a throaty chuckle.

(We both laughed because we can from where I’m standing today, because I found my way home, but it came at a price of decades of my life lived lost.)

I finished my thought, ”  .  .  . and decided that I needed my own relationship with God, one that didn’t have you in the middle of it. I needed to know who God is, what God says for myself, not through your filter, but on my own.”

Telling me I was sinning pushed me away, building more shame in my heart. Finger pointing never worked. Quoting scriptures didn’t make me believe they were true for myself. None of it meant anything until I chose to stand in front of God screaming I want you. I want you. I want you no matter what.

I can’t explain what changed except that God reached down into my heart and said, “Here I am, where I have always been, waiting for you.”

I remember the exact moment, like seeing my daughter’s face for the first time, pure unadulterated love. Just writing these words makes me cry tears of joy. Because by seeing my sin through God’s eyes made me understand forgiveness and grace. For the first time in my life I understood the struggle was between God and Satan, and God was trying to save me.

We need to put away the pointing fingers and open our arms in love. We don’t have to define sin. God already did that, and most people know what the Bible says about sin. But knowing the Bible only matters after we’ve met the Author.

We need to spend more time introducing people to Him.

If you saw someone limping down the road, would you question their choices or offer help? Click To Tweet

If you saw a woman limping down the highway, miserable and in pain, miles from anywhere, you wouldn’t drive by questioning her life choices that led her to that spot, would you?

Would you slow down and shout, “Hey, you’re limping!”

Would you toss her a pamphlet?

Or would you open the door to your car, welcome her inside, and offer to take her with you?

The only finger we need to point is towards ourselves. Look who I was and how I’ve been loved and saved. So people want to know, “where do I find that?” and then we can point them in the right direction.

Standing for truth and clarity is still important, but we need to start from a place of love heavily washed in prayer and time with God before we start trying to reach into other’s lives.

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Its Own Way: Having 1 Cor. 13 Love in my marriage

If real love does not insist on its own way, how much of the problems in my marriage are from failing to live this scripture. Heaven Not Harvard

Sunday, my husband and I decided to cook spaghetti together. We had different ideas about making the sauce. Tomato sauce is one of the few things that I have worked to perfect, so I started to fight for my way.

What should have been a simple discussion about which step should go first, started to be about who was a better chef, smarter, and generally the most rightest person in all the universe.

What should have been a simple discussion became who was the most rightest in the universe #1Cor13 Click To Tweet

I silently prayed for the right heart in that moment, and adjusted my attitude before it became a fight. Yet, I should have stopped before I started.

The next day, God pointed me right to what He wanted me to see. My daughter was having a rough day with her attitude. She decided to try her hand at talking back. After her third or fourth visit to timeout, I tried some instruction about why she should talk to me with love and respect. Because of who God is and what love means, so I pulled out the bible and began to read to her 1 Corinthians 13, verses 4-7 specifically.

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;[b] it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

And like most times I start to use the Bible in parenting, the person that gets most convicted is me. If real love does not insist on its own way, how much of the problems in my marriage are from failing to live this scripture. Heaven Not Harvard I know this familiar passage, many people do.  But I was really struck by how I can be convicted new of its truths. In that moment, I had a renewed spirit to be patient and kind with my testy child. Then I read verse 5 and flashed back to the spaghetti incident the night before.

1 Corinthians 13 says that love does not insist on its own way.

Period. Not sometimes, not even when your spaghetti sauce recipe is perfect.

Bummer.

I started thinking about what my marriage would look like if I quit insisting on my own way. I started thinking about why the sauce mattered to me. Questioning my method felt like attacking my competency in the kitchen, as an intelligent person, even.

Ooooh, I was making him feel the exact same way. Men need respect. They crave it, but American culture has done a great job of teaching us to treat men like overgrown children. We’ve forgotten what respecting your husband looks like.

I didn’t realize how many times, over little things, I had been disrespecting him by arguing. I’ve been so afraid of the consequences of doing things his way, I never thought about the consequences of insisting on mine. I was casting aside his leadership and opinions without really considering his expertise and wisdom, or even his feelings.

I wonder how much resentment and frustration I’ve caused in our marriage from insisting on my way without a good reason except my personal preference. I could be such a loving example of grace by respecting his ideas. I need to give him freedom to express his way. And do my best to let it go when that isn’t the way I like it. Its Own Way - Heaven Not Harvard - learning to let it go instead of fighting for my own way. Loving my husband through respecting him.

Turns out being “right” is a lot less loving than letting him be right. Are there times to insist? Yes, when we’re insisting on God’s way, not our own.

Turns out being right is a whole lot less loving than loving RIGHTLY. Have a 1Cor.13 Marriage today. Click To Tweet

For the rest, learn to fold his socks his way, organize his drawers the way he likes them, make the sauce his way. Who knows, when I stop insisting, he might decide he likes it my way once I give him the freedom to choose. Heck, I might learn that I actually like his way better. I’ll work on admitting that later.

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