We know people will disappoint us, but we can be so surprised when we are standing in that place.
Oh, that moment is so crushing. Staring in the face of incontrovertible evidence that someone you love fell short today.
Your picture of that person was cracked or shattered in one fell swoop. Maybe the picture of your relationship cracked too, or your perception of yourself through their eyes changed.
Maybe you sensed it was coming, but often, one final straw finally drifts into place and our relationship is on the chopping block.
I’m right there with you. Earlier this week, I wrote about how weary I am, and part of my weary is dealing with some difficult relationships. Long distances, text messages, awful choices, and busy schedules all contribute to how we disappoint each other, and I’m struggling with tough places in a few different relationships.
Here is where I’m resting today.
People always disappoint.
Because we’re flawed and human, All. Of. Us. We are going to disappoint each other, in little ways and big ones, at some point.
I have to stop being surprised when people are human.Stop being surprised people are human. Restore them in gentleness when people disappoint. Click To Tweet
In that moment when the disappointment is raw, put yourself in their shoes. Giving them all the benefit of the doubt, what do you think they were thinking?
What do you think they are feeling now facing your disappointment? How can we meet them in Christ where they are?
How we handle the moment of disappointment may speak louder than anything else we do.
Galatians 6:1 ESV Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted.
What does it look like to restore someone in gentleness and avoid the temptation to sin ourselves?
First, I remember my own failures and God’s grace for me when I don’t deserve it.I have yet to survive one day without failure. Offer grace first when people disappoint. Click To Tweet
I’ve been reading 1 & 2 Samuel recently. I’m blown away by how these familiar stories speak new wisdom to me today. The stories of Saul and David say so much about how to act when people disappoint us.
Saul was God’s anointed king for Israel, but (1 Samuel 18) in his sin, he fell from God’s grace, becoming paranoid and selfish, plotting to kill David.
David is disappointed, heartbroken, his king, his God’s anointed, wants him dead for no failure of his own.
David twice finds Saul served to him by God’s hand, in the cave (1 Samuel 24/26 ) and in his camp asleep, but instead of letting his hurt and anger rule him, David chooses to show Saul he could have killed him, but did not.
David takes steps to protect himself, but sees Saul’s sins are really against God, not himself. He is dismayed and saddened, without seeking to return hurt for hurt.
TWICE, David spares a man who is murderously plotting against him without cause, leaving Saul’s fate in God’s hands.
To prove to Saul that he really was blameless (David’s righteousness made Saul’s sins more glaring.), but also as an example of how we are to continue in righteousness continuously, even when offense is piled upon offense.
So I’m still disappointed. I have hurt feelings, there is lost trust, and some of my relationships may not be restored right now.
But my focus has to be on God who never disappoints and staying righteous in His eyes.
I have to remember my emotions are nothing compared to God’s ability to rebuke or restore, forgive and sanctify. I can wait on Him.
Protecting myself is okay, but I should avoid returning sin for sin.
Letting God rule my heart even in the midst of big disappointments isn’t always easy. I get angry; I hurt. Indignant doesn’t look good on me, but in my own sin, I disappoint people all the time. I’m not usually trying to fail when I do.
If I hope for grace, I have to offer it too. Recognizing my worth and value in God’s eyes is immutable gives me pause to connect their failures with human nature, and offer a chance to explain, to understand, to apologize.
In the end, I guard my own walk with Christ and forgive them.