Ditching the “I’ll be a better mom, tomorrow” Mentality

Do you stress yourself out worrying about being a better mom? Are you constantly feeling like you’ll be a better mom tomorrow? Let’s ditch that mentality today.

And focus on what God wants for us as mothers today.

This is where it gets tricky. Because what God wants for us is this incredibly delicate balance between His grace and conviction. God loves us where we are, but loves us enough not to leave us there.

So how do we walk that line between not beating ourselves up, but also wanting to do it better tomorrow?

After an incredibly hard day of parenting, I’ve stood by her bed, tears pricking my eyes and promised myself, “I’ll be a better mom tomorrow.” And at that point, I couldn’t do anything else. She was already asleep.

My chances to be the “mom I want to be” for that day were over. I couldn’t go back and be more gentle or patient. I couldn’t go back and laugh with her one more time.

This spring, I had a rude awakening that her little girl days are almost over. She is going to be a young woman very soon.

And I don’t want to spend any more time hoping to be a better mom. 

I know I can only be so present; we homeschool and I’m with her all day long. And I can’t be all the things to her and my husband and my friends and take enough time to rest for myself and do housework and all the ands . . .

But what about the days I chose to waste too much time scrolling through Facebook instead of reading to her?

What about the tv shows that I decided were more important than listening to her fanciful stories, but can’t remember a single moment of?

Although plenty of times, I’ve set aside my book or phone and hauled her onto my lap to cuddle and read. Today we spent breakfast time reading next to each other, which really meant her reading her fairy pony story to me because she was so excited about each character. This afternoon, we swam in the pool and had a late movie night. Today, I was present.

But am I really present as much as I could be?

Often, I’m not. I think one more minute and I’ll give her my attention, or I smile and nod but have no idea what she is saying. I’m in the room, but not really there.

While her baby and toddler days felt like wading through jell-o wearing water wings, I focused on savoring every moment after waiting so long for our miracle. In these pre-tweener years, sometimes it’s harder to remember to be intentional.

That is the danger of the “I’ll be a better mom tomorrow” mentality. Tomorrow means I’m missing an opportunity right now to be the mom I want to be.

Psalm 90:12 ESV So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom.

We grow in wisdom when we recognize we have a limited number of days. As parents those days are even more limited. We get 18 years to build a foundation for their lives and faiths. Then they are off into the grand adventure God has for them.

I wonder if I’m making the most of my days with her. I’m always trying to balance firm consistency with love, laughter, grace, discipline, hard work, fun, and learning. But I don’t always strike the right balance.

Being a mom is just as much of an art, sport, and passion as ballet or soccer or running.

No one gets to be a world class ballet dancer overnight. It takes years of falling, sore muscles, exhaustion, tears, and practice.

But parenting is the game that changes the rules the second you like the way it is.

You have to plan for tomorrow while living for today.

You can't change the past, but you can start now and change the future. Let's stop saying, 'I'll be a better mom tomorrow' and start right now. #Parenting #MomLife #ChristianParenting Click To Tweet

I don’t write this to place one more ounce of mom guilt on anyone’s shoulders. Heaven knows, I don’t need one more thing on my overladen plate. But maybe you’re like me and truly ache to be a better mom. And could use some tips to make the most of these precious childhood days without making yourself crazy.

We can’t do all the things. Nor can we focus only on our children every minute of the day, but we can better use the time we’re already parenting.

Give them your full attention more often.

Look them in the eyes and listen as often as possible. I promise you’ll never regret listening to terrible stories or awful jokes a year from now. And you may have to FIRMLY remind yourself of this fact. It’s ok to have to develop this discipline in yourself. I’m still working on this myself.

When you can’t stop that second, but want to demonstrate that you will listen, say “I want to give you my best attention, but I can’t right now. Can you write down or draw what you want to tell me while you wait?” Then make sure to come back to listen as soon as you can.

I promise the days of them wanting your attention are so fleeting. The more you listen now, the more likely they are to talk in the days to come.

When it’s the third Minecraft story in ten minutes and you want to scream, change the topic slightly. Ask a different question that shows interest in your favorite subject, your kid!

• “What about that book or game makes you happy?”
• “Why do you like playing that game?”
• “What do you want me to know about you from this story?”

It’s okay to pray for the energy to love your kids. 

Does that sound crazy?

Sometimes my daughter needs my energy and attention when I don’t feel like I have any to give. So, I pray for five more minutes of energy to tuck her in and say prayers or fix her dessert or demonstrate patience while she struggles her way through something.

The other day, I found pink globs of something on her wall. She screamed at me that she didn’t know what it was. I pushed the issue and she fought back harder. She was being disrespectful in her tone and clearly lying. I could have escalated it.

Instead I paused, hugged her, and said it’s okay, just tell me what it is. I know you’re afraid of getting into trouble, but arguing is making this worse than just telling me so I can clean it up.

Be more patient.

This is my biggest struggle. I always have too many things going on.

I don’t have enough time to give. But that is my fault.

“There are enough hours in every day to do all the will of God.” – William Lane Craig

If I don’t have enough time, am I adding things into my life that aren’t necessary or important? Or do I have things out of balance? Even devoting too much time for mentoring and ministry can be out of balance. My primary mission field is this family.

Learn to slow down. Roll with the punches. Enjoy their pace when you can.

Being more patient changes the tone of my voice and the attitude of my heart. Often I find myself grumbling and muttering when life seems to be conspiring against me getting anything accomplished for the day. My daughter doesn’t miss those under the breath groans. I’ve seen how it shapes her behavior. And I’ve only got a short while to undo the damage my impatience has done.

Unlearning my own bad habits is part of learning to be a better mom.

And stop procrastinating the little things, because those will be the big things they remember.

I don’t remember much of my birthdays or Christmases, but I remember how my mom read to me. I remember how she made us hot breakfast every morning and drove me to school when I could have walked. I remember the daily ways she was present much more than I remember the special occasions. It’s easy to mistakenly think those big things are the what matters when life gets away from us.

You don’t have to do all the things. But the little moments matter more than we think.

Being an older mom whose gone through a lot of health crises, I have a lot of handy and reasonable excuses for saying not today, not tonight, or just not being the mom I really want to be.

• “I’ll read to her tomorrow night.”
• “Next weekend, we’ll go strawberry picking.”
• “I’ll play ponies with her the next time she asks.”

But I made excuses for my parenting as well.

• “I’ll be more patient tomorrow.”
• “Tomorrow, I’ll be more consistent.”
• “I’ll give her more attention when I feel better or am not so busy.”

And I shouldn’t use those excuses so often.

Because it can’t wait until tomorrow.

The days feel long, but the years go quickly. I need to make the best use of the time God gave me to be her mom.

Ephesians 5:15-16 ESV Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.

My child isn’t waiting for me to get it together for me to be a better mom before growing up. This is it. My kid has this mom today. That means letting go of guilt, while also letting God convict and sanctify me on this incredibly hard journey of motherhood. I need to make the most of who I am right now.

Simple ideas to make the most of your time.

• Make chores fun. Turn on some fun music and work together. Pick an interesting topic for discussion and let your child talk while you dust, fold laundry, or clean the tub.
• Have a snack picnic. Lay a blanket on the ground or on the porch swing, and have a popsicle together.
• Read her a story or Bible passage while she eats breakfast or lunch.
• Run through the sprinkler together.
• Color together.
• Craft together. Never underestimate getting artistic and messy with your kids.
• Play volleyball with balloons or blow bubbles together in the driveway.
• Put together a puzzle as a family.
• Dance battle. Turn on your favorite oldies/80s/90s hits and be as silly as you can be.
• Discipline consistently so you don’t have to keep fighting the same battles over and over and can spend more time enjoying your children.
• Cook together. Let them choose the recipe.
• Develop good morning and good night routines that help them feel loved and cherished while getting ready for the day or bed.
• Play games together. Games are good for mental and emotional development and fun!

In the middle of finishing this post today, my daughter urgently rushed into the room because she just HAD to show me her new favorite color. Two minutes later she hugged me and ran back to her room.

She won’t remember that, but she will remember the little ways I showed her how important she is to me everyday.

So, I’ll be a better mom tomorrow because I’m starting today. I won’t have any more of the mommy guilt because I made the most of these precious days.

And I pray for God’s grace to cover what I could not.