Love Goggles – my daughter is the most beautiful girl in the world
Do you have Love Goggles? I bet you do.
I have whispered a shocking secret to my daughter many times since she was born.
“You are the most beautiful girl in the world,” I would say, gently kissing her cheek or forehead.
Then add, “to me,” lest she wake up one day completely surprised that she isn’t. That day came sooner than I could have ever imagined.
My daughter had a wonderful playdate with a friend that turned emotional quickly. Hangry is a real thing. It was such a dramatic meltdown, from perfect harmony to disaster in less than a minute, that it was almost comical.
Our emotional center of gravity comes from our identity.
We shot each other sympathetic looks over the Oscar-worthy shenanigans happening with our little girls as my friend and I tried to wade through the whiny tears to decipher the conflict.
“She said she was more beautiful than me.” I heard screeched from across the room.
“Well, she said her mommy told her she was the most beautiful girl in the world, but you told me I was!” Followed by my daughter sinking to the ground in tears.
We both laughed and tried to calm down our girls by telling them that they were different, and both equally beautiful.
But hours later, my daughter could not get past this crisis of identity. I had told her she was the most beautiful girl in the world, and her friend’s mommy had told her daughter the same thing! How can this be true!?!
Just driving down the road, hot and sweaty after blueberry picking. I was not prepared to deal with such a deep question.
Her identity was shaken for the first time.
As always, I struggle with the underlying dynamics of a moment, in this case helping her understand that she is beautiful, what beauty means, and how what I told her was and will always be true.
Is my daughter the most beautiful girl in the world? Yes, I see her thru love goggles. Click To Tweet
I thought for a moment.
“Well, moms look at their children through love goggles. When we look at our children through these lenses of love, we see the most beautiful child in the world . . .
But every mom feels this way about their kids. It is part of loving someone that you see them with different eyes when we wear Love Goggles.”
Her mouth formed a silent oh, and she nodded. My explanation made perfect sense to this little girl with a gigantic heart.
It's part of loving someone that you see them with different eyes when we use love goggles. Click To TweetBut even as I said these words to her, I could feel God nudging me, to hear Him say that He sees us through Love Goggles. He sees our flaws, but loves us so much that he sees past them and loves us with a reckless, crazy love.
Then I heard Him say, “and didn’t I send Jesus and the Spirit to give you Love Goggles for the world?”
Didn't I send my Son and the Spirit to give you Love Goggles for the world? See them thru Me. Click To TweetI pictured my husband, my two teenagers, the angry neighbor, etc. and I realized how differently I am able to view people through the lens of Jesus, seeing their hurts and hearts, their need for love, and for God’s love, and how differently I’ve learned to react to life.
God calls to me, calls me precious one, My beautiful daughter. He sees me in ways that others never will. He sees the ugly in me, but loves me more.
God says, ‘let me change your ugly’ instead of throwing me away.
He looks at all of us as the most beautiful us in the world and means it in a way that causes even a mother’s love for a child to pale in comparison.
Letting myself BE loved in this way has given me the best perspective for the people in my world. Because I can see the way they need to be loved, too, even in their ugly.
I hope my daughter learns to see herself through God’s eyes too.
She doesn’t have to have a crisis of identity once she understands beauty truly is seen through the eye of the beholder and a pair of really Righteous love goggles. 😉
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26 Comments
Nikki Crump
I tell my daughter she is beautiful all of the time. I’m not sure how it will effect herself image when she is older or how she views herself. But I also make sure to emphasize that she is beautiful on the inside and outside. And that the inside shines through to the outside, when she displays certain characteristics. I’m not sure if she gets it yet. But I love telling her how beautiful she is.
Jennifer
It is so tricky in a world caught up by physical standards to beauty when they are not the best ones to measure true beauty.
Rachel Osborn
This is a good lesson for her to learn, even if it came about in a distressing manner. 🙂
Mary Collins
Beautiful way to explain love and beauty to a child. We get so hung up on physical appearance in our world today.
Jennifer
I know it. Trying so hard to help her be in the world but not of it.
Melanie
Oh, this is a great way of explaining it! We’re not yet at the stage where our daughters are fighting over which of them is better/prettier/smarter etc. than the other, but I’m going to remember this for when that happens.
Leslie
Oh, this is such a great post! Love the analogy with the “love googles” not only for your beautiful daughter. I’ve got the most beautiful daughter in the world too. 😉 But I loved how you reminded me that that’s how God sees us too. Enjoyed reading!
Jennifer
Thank you, Leslie! I love how God’s goggles let me smile at everyone having the world’s most beautiful daughter because they all really are. Not a competition! Just a spectrum of different types of beauty!!
Melanie Pickett, Flying Blonde
This is beautiful. Our children surely are the most beautiful, most flawless, most amazing creatures in our own eyes, as it should be. They are precious in His sight and our own. 🙂
Jennifer
They are precious in His sight and teaching them that truth is probably the most important one we can teach!
Marie with spreading-joy.org
Love this! and yes, they need to love themselves too. Pointing out that all girls are pretty is super as so many young girls have such issues. I remember my daughter asking me if I thought she was pretty, I would ask her what she thought. she would answer yes – and I would tell her that while Yes, I thought she was – as long as she saw her own beauty, it didn’t matter if no one else saw her beauty.
Jennifer
The world certainly has a lot to say about who and what is pretty. I’m trying to make sure her bucket of self-esteem is so full that when the crummy messages of the media start seeping into her subconscious, she won’t be able to empty it from all the love I filled it with!
Chari
This is so true! I really loved this post and the title was so appropriate to describe how we love our children and family.
Jennifer
Thank you. Isn’t it funny how much more beautiful people get when we love them.
Roxanne
Gosh, parenting on the spot like that, is incredible. What a great momma your girl is lucky to have!
Jennifer
I really think God gave me the right perspective and answer, but I feel really blessed that He has stuck by me through plenty of times I wasn’t so pretty to look at spiritually and now I am seeing real fruit in my life!
Susan Gay
I pray to see the world, near and far through the eyes of love of the Father. Thank you for such a precious reminder.
Clare Speer
Love goggles! I just love that thought – and I love that you opened this by telling your daughter she is the most beautiful girl in the world! Our kids need to hear that over and over – no matter what the age! Great reminder!
Jennifer
It is hard because I don’t want her to view physical beauty as the standard, but she is so cute and unique. I want to make sure she knows her worth before the world’s messages start to tear her down.
Andi
maybe we should start praying to see thru His goggles 😀
Jennifer
Exactly!!
Maria Hass
I love this! Bekah Shae has a song called “Love Glasses” that goes over that too. I think the way you explained it to your daughter was brilliant!
Christine Smith
Oh boy do I understand the girl drama, we have six daughters (ages 8-22). We have tons of discussions about how beauty is not the most important thing about them or about anyone else. Assigning too much value to beauty is hurtful to girls, in my opinion. I remember being upset on different occasions when they came home from a short sports camp with a trophy or certificate that said “Cutest.” Really? We still do this to girls? I try to emphasize my girls’ unique qualities and talents in addition to their natural beauty. Because God loves all of us no matter what our outward appearance is. Besides, beauty fades (as we all know LOL + Proverbs 31:30) and is significantly affected by our cultural definitions. many blessings to you as you continue to look with love on others and raise your daughter to know the Lord.
Jennifer
We continually talk about real beauty versus getting fancy. And that our beauty in God’s eyes is from our hearts.
Jelli
What a great perspective, that God sees us through love goggles. As a mom I definitely see my kids that way..
Samantha Ford-Godette
Useful articles and I’ll keep this in mind. I have a feeling that my daughter might just ask me a question like this one day. Wouldn’t it be beautiful if the world all wore love goggles?