The Best Father’s Day Gift for Your Husband

Is there a best Father’s Day gift for your husband? What is it? A tie? A grill? A fishing trip with his best friends?

Nope, the best Father’s Day gift for your husband isn’t a thing.

Woo hoo! You mean the best gift I can give my husband on Sunday is free???

Yep, it’s an attitude and you don’t have to wait for Father’s Day either.

My husband really enjoys having nice grill tools and quality fishing gear. He loves a new graphic-t or pair of sturdy hiking boots. This CHiPs shirt is such a favorite, that when he stains one, I have to buy him another.

But all those things mean nothing if he doesn’t feel I respect him as her father.

Sometimes, we modern moms believe we can do this parenting gig all by ourselves. And there are millions of women who are single and doing a wonderful job of parenting their children.

But having a loving father makes all the difference in the world to children. Studies have shown that when fathers are affectionate and supportive, it greatly affects a child’s cognitive and social development. It also instills an overall sense of well-being and self confidence. – Pediatrics of Franklin

Furthermore, as Christians, we know that our fathers can affect how we understand the character of God. Additionally, when a dad is engaged in church and Bible study, the children are more likely to become Christ followers as well.

This article by Nick Cady really highlights several important statistics about a dad’s impact on the faith of his family. As much I would like to believe that my faith will make an impact on my daughter, statistically, her father’s attitude towards church and God are more likely to influence her.

Dads are really important.

Children with involved fathers are more confident, do better educationally, have more emotional balance, and are generally more successful in life.

But with the rise of feminism, we haven’t seen the role of fathers be respected as much as it should be. We want to empower women, which is great. Acknowledging the abilities and capacities of women is important. Women are created in God’s image as well.

However, we’ve let empowering women become denigrating men.

We shouldn’t have to take away anything from honoring the strength and loyalty and leadership of masculinity to celebrate femininity, but we have. We’ve made masculinity toxic in our culture instead of separating what is toxic from what is masculinity.

And something I’ve noticed about men is the more criticized they feel, the less likely they are to pursue earning respect, which becomes a vicious cycle.

Wives become critical or nag, husbands withdraw, so we criticize them for withdrawing.

Being critical is the single largest way women disrespect their husbands.

Learning to respect my husband is a lesson I have to relearn often because he is imperfect. Respecting him comes from acknowledging my own failures and worth in God’s eyes, so that I can better see his worth and value even when he is messy or frazzled or even sinful.

My respect for my husband cannot depend on his actions, but on my heart for God and him.

In the middle of difficult situations, I easily see from the outside how I might have handled it differently, but he needs the freedom to be who God made him to be. And he has to walk the path of personal and spiritual growth God has set before him.

I’ve learned to try not to criticize him for anything. If any issue seriously needs discussing, I pray first, wait until my emotions are under control, then ask him how he felt about that moment or decision. You might be surprised at how God can work in his heart without your assistance. Or even how what you saw wasn’t quite accurate.

As much as I try to see from his perspective, I miss things and make faulty judgments based on my limited perspective. Being a submissive wife is about loving him more than myself.

Especially in his role as father, I need to show him respect for who he is. God gave each of us the perfectly imperfect parents we were meant to have. I have to let him be her dad, whoever that is. God gave her this one dad, and he doesn’t have to be perfect to be the right parent for her.

And it doesn’t matter if I actually respect him if he doesn’t feel respected.

My husband and I’ve been deep into a conversation about how disrespected he feels while I list all the ways I value him and all the things I respect about him.

But it comes down to this, if I have to argue that “I respect you, darn-it!” I’m not doing it well.

Everyday, I choose to respect him through how I treat him.

Do I criticize every little thing he does? When he makes a mess do I mutter under my breath or clean it up, happily able to care for him in this way?

Do I let his dirty underwear on the floor derail my role as his helpmate?

Despite being a clean freak, I dislike housework immensely. But as the stay at home partner, I get to take on most of it. He works terribly hard so I get to homeschool and be home with our daughter.

I don’t have to find personal fulfillment at the bottom of a sink of dishes to wash them joyfully.

One area I’m honestly still working on is letting him find his own way with her. Sometimes, I ask him to step in because what I’m doing isn’t working with our strong-willed daughter. But then, I want to micro-manage how he steps in. If I respect him, I have to respect him enough to let him make his own decisions about how to parent her.

And I have to respect him enough to let him make mistakes.

I know, how magnanimous of me.

But seriously, I need to let him make mistakes without judgment. We’re both trying to figure out this parenting thing moment to moment.

And if I assume the best of him, that he loves her and wants to raise her well, I need to let him make mistakes, sometimes without even a word. I don’t need to point out when something didn’t work.

But I do need to encourage him and praise him when things go well.

I’m one of those people who assumes the best of everyone and every situation unless I see something wrong. So, I have a tendency to only say things when there is something wrong.

Can you imagine how damaging it would be to only hear criticism?

I’ve had to remind myself that the kind, loving thoughts in my head need to be shared out loud! He needs to hear me say it. He needs to hear me talk proudly of him to our daughter and others.

In short, your husband NEEDS respect this Father’s Day more than any gift you can buy.

6 FREE ways to show your father or husband respect any day:

• Cook his favorite meal and dessert.
• Ask him for his to-do list and surprise him by doing it so he gets a weekend off!
• Write him a letter or several notes telling him what you appreciate about him extra points if you hide them where he will be surprised by notes all day.
• Assume the best of him instead of the worst, even when things go awry.
• Spend the day actively doing his favorite things. Go fishing. Watch golf. Etc.
• DEAL with him. That means Drop Everything And Listen. Give him your best attention as often as humanly possible.

Respect is the best Father’s Day gift you can give your husband all year long.

And the best part is that it’s the gift that gives back to you.

I’ve seen my respect for my husband translate into a better relationship and marriage over time. Even when we have a real conflict, he can better trust in my love and respect because I work at demonstrating it even when it’s not what I’m emotionally feeling.

Because I’ve learned to trust in God first, and trust that God is working on my husband as He is on me. The progress might sometimes be slow, imperfect, and messy, but God can give us beauty for our ashes.