1 Bible verse to be a Better, More Consistent Parent
Can 1 Bible lesson from James soften my heart and help me be a better, more consistent parent? Could standing firm actually make me more loving?
One of my favorite experiences as a believer is how God’s word has become this amazing love letter and an active presence in my life as I spend time in it.
Proverbs 7:1,3 ESV My son, keep my words and treasure up my commandments within you . . . 3 Bind them on your fingers; write them on the tablet of your heart.
When I face struggles, God brings His peace and answers to my mind, helping me understand why we write His treasured words on our hearts.
But how does the Bible actually help me be a better, more loving, more consistent parent?
Being a mom is challenging in ways I never imagined. Oh, the things we have to say . . .
“No, it’s NOT mommy’s job to unstick your wedgie!” was a real conversation I had to have, more than once.
While it has humorous moments, it’s also a fight that erodes our peace and strength at times. I just grow weary: weary of repeating myself, weary of the same tasks and chores, weary of the same issues over and over.
I’ve learned parenting is really front lines Ephesians 6 battle for the souls and futures of my family. We fight human failings and sinful natures. Every attitude and decision shapes the atmosphere of my home, transforming our relationships with each other and with God.
Knowing God’s truths prepares my heart to face my battles with righteousness and peace, even when my largest combatant is around 4 feet tall. 😉
But sometimes the lessons come from unexpected places, verses I wouldn’t have found searching for parenting wisdom, but verses that help me clearly understand the character God wants me to have.
One week last year was full and busy with my older boys visiting from their mother’s. The house feels bustling, complete, joyous when they are here, but we also enjoy a messy chaos. But asking for help with cleaning tasks seems to release the inner debater in my children.
As I dusted, I prayed over my frustration with them. Why does it always have to be a debate?
And a verse came to mind.
James 5:12b ESV . . . but let your “yes” be yes and your “no” be no, so that you may not fall under condemnation.
While in context, this verse is about making oaths, I immediately felt convicted about my reluctance to hold firm to my parenting expectations. It may not directly relate, but the essence of the verse is to mean what we say and stick to it.
And as parents, our expectations are a type of promise because they help our children know what to expect from us and who we really are.
As a child, I despised because I said so. I vowed to do my best to answer the why questions of my children. But in an effort to help my children understand, I’ve taught them too much is open to negotiation.
Kids need clear directions from a consistent parent.
By letting my NO mean MAYBE too many times, I’ve sabotaged myself as a parent, and perhaps done a disservice to them as children in God’s family, too.
As an adult, I’ve had to learn obedience to God is often doing without knowing why right away.
Of course, kids will always challenge boundaries, but consistency allows me to stay calm and peaceful even when their disobedience leads to consequences because I can be sad and disappointed with them in their poor choices.
Trying to always explain WHY, I've taught them too much is open to negotiation. Click To TweetSometimes, I look into my daughter’s eyes pooling with tears, and I don’t want to send her to bed without dessert, but quietly holding her to the consequences will teach her the fruit of the spirit by example.
And that points her to Heaven, not Harvard.
33 Comments
Stepahnie S
I could use a little advice… I stupidly open my mouth and told my boys that if they are not good they’re not gonna go on a road trip to Massachusetts. After I just prayed I wouldn’t have to follow through I didn’t mean to make that a consequence. Will now my oldest son has gotten into some trouble at school3 times this week. I don’t know if I should just remove that as a consequence, or if I really hold true to it. What is your opinion
Jennifer
That is a hard one! We are taking a trip and in a moment of frustration, I had to stop myself from making that a consequence because I’m not able or willing to cancel the trip. But since you already said it, I would go to my son and be honest – I didn’t really mean to make this a consequence because it punishes everyone if you don’t behave; however, you need a stiff consequence for your repeated misbehavior…. and come up with something harsh enough to be a deterrent and a strategy to help him make different choices.
Tina Truelove
Consistency is SO important when it comes to parenting, especially when it concerns consequences. We taught our kids to respect our “yes” and our “no” even if they didn’t understand the reasons. Sometimes, an explanation is a good thing, but you are right about the fact that explanations for every decision we make as parents can send the message that our decisions are open for discussion. I had no problem saying, “Because I said so.” LOL I became my mother!!! We told our children that we were accountable to God, not them, for their raising. Consistency is not always easy though. Parenting is definitely not for the faint of heart. 🙂
Jennifer
It is a challenge for me daily. I hate to disappoint and want her to understand why I make hard decisions but she has begun to argue and talk back. It’s not okay
Susan Evans
Having your yes be yes and your no be no can help so much in consistency, so that kids know exactly where they stand. They are more likely to obey when we are consistent.
Jennifer
Yes! Seems simple enough, but harder to implement.
Rachel
I am trying to prepare myself for when our baby grows up and starts talking back and disobeying rules. Right now, I don’t quite have the consistency that they say babies need in order to thrive. It’s hard enough to be running on 3 hours of non-consecutive sleep 🙁 It’s definitely the hardest job in the world to be a mother, and to be consistent and godly and happy on top of that? Ah, only God is keeping us alive! 🙂
Jennifer
It is so hard when you’re not getting any sleep! Thank God he stretched out the stages in such a way, we’re only tackling one idea at a time. I will say that if you start being conscious of your consistency now, you’ll be glad you did when he is five!
Katy Kauffman
This is very practical and helpful to remember. I knew what to expect from my mom, and even if I fussed in my head at times, I came to trust her judgment. She was gracious and would tell me why. That helped me to think through things for myself as a teen and as an adult. I hope your daughter grows up and comes to appreciate your explanations and when you had to put your foot down.
Jennifer
Me too! I hope she forgets the days I got it wrong but remembers how much I tried to serve God in everything I did.
Inez
Kids need consistency for so many reasons. This is a great verse and challenge for parents. I need to put this verse in a place where I can always see it and be reminded to be consistent. Thanks for sharing!
Jennifer
What a great idea for a printable!
J. Matthew Barnes
Great stuff! Looking back at my childhood, there’s little that made me more angry than inconsistency. So this is something that my wife and I have been focusing on a lot lately.
Thanks!
Jennifer
Harder that it seems, though!
Marissa
This so great. Our lives can be so crazy, and I’m sure, like me, you’ve heard how this new generation of parents need to be more gentle and treat kids like they have a mind – be logical don’t just speak down to them… while on the surface this is great, I also fall into allowing my kids to have room to negotiate when I have to say no and mean no. Thanks for this!
Jennifer
Two nights now my girl lost her dessert privileges. Crossing fingers that she will gain the self control to stop her emotions from running over her if I just keep holding her to the consequences.
Shaleena DuBose
I Love your revelation my son and plus one on the way is such a blessing but it sure can be challenging. I Love how you reference scripture! Awesome
Jennifer
It certainly is. Everyday – thank heavens for God’s help
danielle wells
I loved this post! It was honestly exactly what I needed this week! We’ve just began a new form of discipline with our toddler and it’s proving to be difficult being consistent. It’s good to know, I’m not the only one with consistency “issues” 🙂
Jennifer
Her big brown eyes and trembling chin do me in every time! It is so hard to be the “meanie”! Stay strong, sister momma!
Andrea
and it all starts with Proverbs 22:6 – “train up a cihld in the way…”
Megan
“Consistent parenting is a promise that tells our children what to expect & who we are.” This is such a great thought to meditate on, thanks so much for sharing!
Jennifer
Makes me think about the consistent nature of God and how I know to rely and trust Him because of His faithfulness. While I won’t ever be THAT consistent, it is a good goal to strive for!
Mihaela Echols
Amen “parenting is really the front lines” So true. Great post!
Jennifer
More and more I realize I’m doing real warfare for my child’s future relationship with Christ. She doesn’t know it yet, but I’m building her armor! or tearing it down if I’m not living in humility. Very convicting for myself! Glad you enjoyed it, thanks!
Alonda
This is good! I know I have let my “no” mean “maybe” (and sometimes even “yes”) far too many times simply because its easier. But that easy route isn’t doing my kids any favors. I love the perspective you shared here.
Jennifer
It does “seem” easier, and makes our kids happy, but then they want to argue and debate all the time, so ends up meaning more chaos and discord! Taking the harder line initially make for fewer rough moments overall, but so hard to stick to it sometimes.
Chasing Joy
I really appreciate how we cen find a scripture to guide and help us in any situation.
Jennifer
Isn’t it amazing! God always puts the right verses in my mind or in front of me!
Healing Mana
Great post. I try to stick firm about my yes being my yes and my no being my no. Some days are harder than others to follow this. Especially when my 1yo gets upset. But I feel it’s good for my children to hear the word no. I hate seeing them upset but I remember I have to do what’s best for them.
Jennifer
I hate seeing them disappointed and they know it.
Crystal
Good examples Jen! I consider myself a strict parent and if you meet my kids you might be able to tell! My son is 10 and he is one of the sweetest boys I know. But, I have to be the bad guy sometimes. Tonight for example, he was teary-eyed before bed so I asked what was wrong. He was crying because the computer was messing up and he says he only got to use 5 mins out of 20mins of his computer time. He said he had no fun. This made me upset. We had family time and I think he should be grateful for his family and what we have instead of valuing game time only. ugh…one of those nights. He went to bed and I let him know for the rest of the week he was done with any electronic game time. I really need him to know that fun is more than laptops, ipads and xbox, it’s your family time!
Jennifer
My sweet girl went to bed without dessert tonight. It was hard, but she has to learn self-control. My problem is that I have strict standards and then hate the follow through. And I debate instead of just hold to the answer. Learning to just be consistent.