How to Share the Truth About Abortion with Pro-Choice Friends
How can we share the truth about abortion to our pro-choice friends?
I have really struggled to find just the right way to discuss this sensitive topic. Everyone has a really strong opinion, and people often find discussion difficult when we have strong opinions.
We tend to do a lot of sharing our own opinions without really listening.
But no one changes her mind in a shouting match.
Too often people double down and shout louder, resort to name calling and worse.
Our entire national political discourse looks like this right now: angry screaming (or typing) at people we don’t know, whose stories we haven’t heard over issues we are passionate about, but often at the expense of loving the people standing before us.
I write this as one who struggles daily with a burdened heart for the state of the world. But becoming a clanging gong (1 Cor. 13:1) shouting across the divide is about as effective as screaming into a whirlwind.
If we don’t acknowledge each other as people and try to address the issues, in love, without attacking the other side, we can’t hope to truly change any opinions, even if we have the truth about abortion on our side.
So how do we have this terribly difficult discussion with the pro-choice people in our lives?
We have to start at the cross with Christ.
1 Corinthians 1:18 ESV For the word of the cross is folly to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God.
Those who do not believe in Christ may not be able to see and discern the truth the way a believer does. And we cannot expect them to. We can appeal to logic and reason, but in the end, seeing the truth is a gift from God.
2 Corinthians 4:4 ESV In their case the god of this world has blinded the minds of the unbelievers, to keep them from seeing the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God.
Therefore, start by reflecting Christ’s light and being a living testimony of the gospel. Nothing else we say will matter if we lose our witness. Our ultimate goal should be to bring people to salvation first.
That doesn’t mean we can’t have these conversations, just that HOW we have the conversation about the truth about abortion is going to be more important than the arguments we make.
Be kind, gentle, meek.
I once heard meekness described as using God’s power under His control. Too often we think of meekness as weakness, but it’s really having quiet confidence in the truth.
What is the truth about abortion?
It takes the life of an image-bearer of God.
God creates every human being in His image. In the Christian worldview, every human has innate worth and purpose in God’s eternal plan: yes, even those who don’t live very long, even those who have birth defects, those who never acknowledge God, even those who die naturally before birth. None are without worth to God.
Yet, someone who thinks life is the happy accident of cosmic chance may not see human life as having intrinsic value, or may ascribe value differently, which is why the second point is so important.
Listen first.
Understanding a person’s unique context is going to be key to opening the door to real conversation.
Ask what her position is and how she came to hold it.
If your friend’s position on abortion is due to having had one, listen compassionately to her story. Why did she decide to have an abortion? Was there help or support that might have changed her mind? Does she regret it?
Embracing your friend sympathetically with grace may be a key to unlocking her heart.
Remember that abortion is not an unforgivable sin.
Jesus’s blood on the cross, the blood that covers me and my sinful past, covers abortion just as completely.
Whether there is personal context or not, understanding your friend ‘s basic worldview is going to be crucial to have an effective dialogue.
Do not expect to change someone’s opinion or worldview.
Greg Koukl from Stand to Reason and the author of Tactics always approaches people with the goal of ‘putting a stone in their shoe’, i.e. giving them something to think about, an idea to chew on.
Below are some links to books that are helpful for sharing your faith and worldview in a way that honors God.
Think about all the times you have dramatically changed your mind in your life. How many were 180 degree turns in a single conversation?
Most of the major changes in my worldview took months, or even years.
Your ability to come back to this conversation again and build your relationship is going to be more important than having the perfect comeback to destroy every opposing argument.
Even if this conversation is with a relative stranger, leave them thinking, not fuming.
A powerful conversation leaves them thinking, not fuming. Learn HOW to share the truth about abortion with pro-choice friends. Click To TweetLeave the door open for the next seed to be planted. God is responsible for the growth, not you.
1 Corinthians 3:7 ESV So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God who gives the growth.
So now you’re coming to the conversation wanting primarily to be a good bearer of the gospel, with confidence in the truth of your position, with compassion and a perspective to just want to make the other person really think.
What do you say??
You keep asking questions. The best way to get someone to question her own opinions is to make them discover the logical inconsistencies in her own opinions.
We have to discover at what point do they believe the fetus or embryo becomes a person and at what point is that person ascribed basic human rights.
What makes a person a person? What defines life?
Someone attacked me on Instagram for going to the local March for Life. After going back and forth several times, she said if lack of brain activity is the sign that life has ended, shouldn’t the start of brain activity be the sign that life has begun?
So now we have a place to address the real issue – does she really believe abortion is okay because “it’s just a clump of cells” or does she use that argument to justify that she believes abortion on demand is okay?
I took her point to the logical conclusion. Should we disallow all abortions after brain activity?
The brain begins to form 3-4 weeks following conception. Electrical brain activity typically begins around 40 days after conception. Ok, so we only allow abortions before detectable brain activity? That would end approximately two-thirds of abortions.
I didn’t defend my position, but took hers to the logical conclusion. Thus, she had to face the inconsistencies within her own position.
My hope is that she realized her own view would make the embryo a person long before most pro-choice supporters would give legal status to the infant.
What if she says the heartbeat?
The fetal heartbeat begins at week three following conception. It cannot be detected at that time, but it’s beating. We can detect it visually on a sonogram around 4 weeks.
Most women don’t even suspect they are pregnant until two weeks following conception when they miss their first period. While some might immediately test for pregnancy, most women will wait a few days rather than take a test unnecessarily.
Chances are, by the time a woman knows she is pregnant, the fetal heart is already beating. If we were to use a beating heart as the threshold to establish life, almost all abortions would be illegal.
But don’t expect logic and facts to be enough.
Sometimes people hold opinions for reasons that logic and facts cannot reach.
I literally had a woman on Twitter telling me that it isn’t fair we force women to be pregnant and give birth.
Less than 0.5% of abortions currently are due to rape. So she really meant no one should be forced to do hard things, even as consequences of their own decisions.
And that is the real crux of the issue: worldview.
Is this life the only one we get and we need to claw tooth and nail to make it happy by any definition of that word?
Or is this life temporary: refining and sanctifying us to spend eternity with our creator? Therefore, difficult consequences are lessons for personal development. Hard times mature us.
Sometimes the only way to help someone is to help them take an honest look at their own worldview, but we do so in love.
By having a conversation that is more about listening and asking good questions, we are more likely to affect the minds and attitudes than by just arguing.
For every fact or idea we spout, someone somewhere will have a comeback. What we need to do is be armed with ideas and information that will help people think for themselves.
Additional Resources to prepare yourself to defend truth:
Stand to Reason’s Pro-Life Crash Course
Public Discourse: Journal of the Witherspoon Institute article on embryonic autonomy
Breakpoint – When a Clump is not a clump by John Stonestreet
Princeton: Secular quotes on when life begins from scholarly sources.
Pro-Life answers to Pro-choice Arguments
Top Take-aways
- Talking to someone about difficult issues needs to be done carefully.
- Don’t let yourself get angry or upset.
- Be willing to walk away if the conversation is not respectful.
- The gospel and your witness is the most important part – don’t lose sight of Jesus.
- The people “listening in,” whether online or in person, might be more open to your message than the person with whom you’re conversing.
- Ask good questions that make people think, but have specific facts that help them see a different perspective.
- Don’t expect people to see reason, just offer it to them.
- Never take any response personally.
I pray that these ideas and resources will help you be a better ambassador for Christ as you work to share Christ and make disciples.
