Being Boldly Submissive in a Culture Scared to Submit
Submissive is dirty word in a culture that is scared to submit. We clamor and chest thump about individuality, celebrate rebels and sarcasm, but we’re really scared of giving up the illusion of control. We aren’t willing to let go of what we think we need.
Submission . . . .
Women cringe as soon as pastors dust off this rusty gem from the sermon library. Submissive is the modern church’s dirty word. Just the idea of ‘obey’ in the marriage ceremony gets under our tissue paper skin like a splinter.
Submission sounds scary. It sounds like giving in, but being BOLDLY Submissive takes strength. Click To TweetBut nothing has made a bigger difference in my marriage than learning to be boldly submissive, and I’ve never been treated more lovingly since I stopped demanding my way and just loved him first.
If you had asked me about submission a decade ago, I would have spit nails. Seriously, me, a submissive wife? HA. Over my dead . . .
. . . marriage,
which is exactly where we were headed because two people demanding their way are shouting way too loud to listen.
But I was gonna fight for my rights; my right, apparently, to be miserable.
Because I thought being submissive meant being weak, mistreated, overlooked. I couldn’t see the power in submission, the subtle strength that doesn’t need attention.
Through God’s grace, I finally understood bold submission when I realized who was the most submissive figure in the Bible.
It was Christ.
Jesus had the power of the universe at his fingertips, the fringe of his garments healed; he could have commanded angels to pull him off the cross.
If anyone EVER deserved to arrogantly insist on His way, it was Jesus Christ.
But He chose bold submission to God’s plan, to be utterly persecuted, violently punished for sins He had not committed, dying completely separated from God out of His love for us.
No matter how many times I use that word, my love for my family will never measure up to that standard. But it takes strength and courage to obey and try to imitate Christ.
Submission changed when I realized the most submissive person in the Bible went to the cross. Click To Tweet
However, I learned that submitting to my husband wasn’t really the standard. I am submitting to God. He asks we put others before ourselves, serve secretly, give in the shadows.
I’m submitting, not just to my husband, but God’s placement of me into this family to be a living, breathing example of humility and love.
When I feel myself start to puff up with not-so-righteous indignation about some slight, God reminds me of this …
John 13:34 ESV A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.
He loved me to the point of death.
Compared to that, I can overlook a lot of slights: a mess in the kitchen, coming home late, not listening well, forgetfulness, even his deliberate selfishness.
Being Boldly Submissive looks like:
- Being loving over being right.
- Choosing not to nag.
- Being humble when I’ve made a mistake.
- Loving without expectation of return.
- Obeying God.
- Forgiving without an apology.
- Being gently firm in my expectations as a parent.
- Looking for ways to serve others.
- Dying to myself everyday as often as possible.
I’m learning still. I’m continuing to store God’s word in my heart so I can obey His plan for my next step as a wife, mother, and disciple.
The original disciples submitted to God’s will for their lives and died to share Christ with the world. I could only be so bold.
30 Comments
Tiffany Trawick
I love this. I’ve personally learned that submission takes more boldness than most think. Thank you!
Jennifer
It does! Thank you 😊
ANdrea
I’ve never heard it being put this way before – boldly and submissive together
Jennifer
I say it is a pretty accurate description of Christ going to the cross.
Aileen
I love this! It can be such a taboo topic, and it’s also often distorted both by the world and within the church. You explained it well, stayed true to Scripture and pointed the focus on Christ.
Jennifer
Exactly. We are submitting to Christ first.
Kailyn Bird
Sadly I haven’t read a lot on submission, so it was such a good read! Your points were so helpful, and I LOVE that saying at the beginning about submitting. Love your heart in all of this!
Jennifer
Thank you! It is a hard subject for many women, but a necessary one.
Leigh
Bold submission is a good way to put it. And really, the New Testament calls all believers to an atmosphere of submission–submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ, showing respect for our elders, submitting to proper authorities, etc. It’s a way in which we relate to one another with honor and respect.
Jennifer
Exactly!!
Terri
I love this post on submissions. So many people are scared to submit, It is so needed in our culture this day. Oh Jesus help me to submit
Jennifer
Amen! Every time I think I have my prideful, selfish heart under control, I have to learn this all over.
Rebekah
This is one of the best explanations of submission that I have read.
Bold submission is something so needed in our culture, bold submission, and bold,yet loving truth. Thanks so much for sharing both!
Jennifer
Thank you! I am glad you enjoy it. It’s so important.
Lauren C. Moye
I’m glad you talked about submission to a husband as submission to God, and that you talked about how the Christian life requires us to treat others with respect anyways. I cringe when I hear the submission word come up, but because it’s a concept that’s been hijacked. It’s not the silencing of a voice; it is the refusal to let little things overpower my relationship.
Jennifer
I think that overall it is the one thing that I don’t hear often. Submission to each other in Christ is the goal. It may look like giving in to my husband, but it’s not really. It is loving him more than myself and submitting to Christ.
Healing Mama
This post is amazing. I used to think being meant being submissive too. However, when my husband and I started arguing over small things, I realized that I needed to submit in certain situations. I found that there was more power in being submissive than always battling. Overtime, it became second nature. There are certain battles I can’t fight, I must take them to God.
Jennifer
Oh yes! I’ve won more of those battles with humility than I ever did with selfishness.
Michael
You are not commanded to submit in some things, but in “EVERYTHING” (Ephesians 5:23). That is true bold submission. Of course that doesn’t mean you are to obey if your husband tells you to do something illegal, immoral, or unethical, as that goes against God’s Word. However, in everthing else, God commands wives to submit to their husbands.
I challenge you to be bold enough to obey God in this and completely submit to your husband. It is your duty.
Jennifer
I’m pretty sure that is what I said, just not so harshly. Men are to love their wives by laying down their lives as Christ did for the church. He suffered and died for His bride. I have no problem teaching that both of these things are duties for spouses. In fact, I submit to my husband even when he is not in the right and isn’t treating me as he should and leave it up to God to work on his heart. Your answer while Biblical sounds perhaps more harsh than you intended it to.
Shaleena DuBose
This was unepectetedly good. I came to do the thread reciprocation from the group. And I was tremendously blessed. I’ve been married for 2yrs now and it’s an area I haven’t fully submitted in. Thank you for allowing God to lead to do this blog 💕
Jennifer
I am glad you were blessed. Submitting to God is always a blessing, and through that submission, we submit to our husbands, pastors, in fellowship. It really is a body of Christ.
andrea
we need to submit to God first – and then to each other
Jennifer
Exactly!
Dana Stowell Hoebeke
Thank you for posting about this! I have been married for 19 years and I can testify after doing it wrong for a lot of years, that God’s plan is definitely best. He is very clear about each role in marriage and when we don’t submit to His authority on this we have a fractured marriage. It’s so “anti” on the view of marriages today, its almost revolutionary 🙂
Jennifer
It is so sad that the idea of Godly submission is revolutionary.
Dana
Agreed! Women empowerment has emasculated our men. We’ve cast aside the beautiful harmonious melody God says marriage ought to be and who we are to be to one another for beating the drum of “Self”.
Jennifer
And we don’t know what we’ve lost.
samantha lee-wiraatmaja
I love this! So much truth, and we really do need to be challenged in this area. Thank you for sharing!
Jennifer
I’m glad you were blessed by it. Thanks for stopping by.