How to Make Friends as a Christian Woman
Learning How to Make Friends as a Christian Woman starts learning how to BE a friend.
You might think you know how to be a friend. But I had to give this some thought several years ago and really be willing to look more deeply in the mirror. I am loyal and kind, but I struggle with some things that have made developing lasting friendships more challenging for me than for some people.
Learning how to make friends comes easy to some. But I have always been that person who felt like she didn’t fit in.
I am the person who walks away from a conversation and replays every awkward thing I said. Bullies tormented me for so long as a child, I became so self-conscious that I became introverted.
To Learn How to Make Friends for Me Meant Learning Why it was so Hard for Me
I still struggle sometimes because letting people in means letting people see the real me and risking rejection. I’m not perfect, and that is so hard for me. I never want people to see that my hair is a disaster or I lose my temper with my kids or my house is messy.
But I had to learn that trying to hold together this pretense of perfection pushed people away.
I mean who wants to be friends with someone who is perfect???
But yet, I was so afraid to be the real, broken, imperfect person I am with people, until I finally understood my worth in God’s eyes. Finding my real identity in Him freed me from so much comparing with people.
Learning that God created me exactly as He needed me to be to accomplish His purposes for my life, to befriend the people He needs me to befriend, to speak truth into the lives of the people that He brings into my sphere.
And we can’t make friends if we aren’t willing to be real with people.
One of the qualities of good friends is being genuine.
And accepting that we aren’t going to be everyone’s cup of tea.
But we can be someone’s favorite cup of tea if we learn to exhibit the qualities of a good friend.
God has been walking me through a deeper understanding of friendships and relationships because part of ministering to women is knowing how to love them.
I had some knowledge about how to teach them, but I needed to learn to just love them.
Learning to love like Christ has helped me learn how to make friends as a Christian woman.
I needed to stop worrying about what kinds of friends I wanted to have, and work on what kind of friend I wanted to BE.
Learning how to make friends as a Christian woman meant learning how to be more Christ-like as a friend and loving people well. #ChristianWoman #Friendship #BestFriendDay Click To TweetI started looking at my dearest friends and thinking about what makes each of them such good friends.
What are the qualities of a good friend?
- I can always call her, no matter the time of day.
- She is supportive, cheering me on when I am full of self-doubt.
- I can count on her to take time for me, even when her own life is boiling over.
- We don’t let trivial stuff interfere with our love for each other.
- She encourages my walk with Christ.
- When my life is falling apart, I know she’ll listen, offer to punch someone 😉 , and give me gentle advice after validating how I feel.
- She genuinely celebrates my joys and successes.
- No matter what is happening with her, she always leaves room to talk about my stuff.
- She will drop everything and pray with me or for me. She prays for my children.
- Grace comes first in all our interactions. She is honest with me when I hurt her feelings, and we work through the issues to untangle our conversations.
Proverbs 18:24 ESV “A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”
The number of friends I have that meet all these criteria is tiny, one hand kind of small, but they are my tribe.
And I’ve learned to live the qualities of a good friend as much as possible for the women in my life. And you know what I’ve developed several incredible friendships because I started seeing myself and everyone else through the eyes of Christ.
I stopped looking to be the most popular person and thought about who would Jesus love when I walk into a room. I started looking for the women who look lonely, lost, sad, new, etc. and introducing myself. This is super hard for an introvert, but once I started doing it, it got easier because they will either like me or won’t, but that isn’t my job. My responsibility is to take the time to reach out, be kind, welcome someone new.
A quiet woman was always sitting alone at church. I felt God nudge me to be her friend. I felt very awkward but one Sunday, I stopped her in the parking lot, introduced myself, and gave her a hug. We’ve been friends ever since. We talk weekly, and even during COVID, make sure we say hello on our church’s live stream.
Another friend, I ran into her three times in a day. I told her God must want us to be friends. I invited her to our chapel women’s group. We still are friends, and I am blessed by her.
It’s taken me a long time to realize that not everyone has TV-sitcom friendships.
Women come in and out of our lives for a season. And that’s okay. We can love people and care for them during that season and trust God for their future.
Making friends is a whole lot easier when I stopped worrying about how many friends I have and focus what kind of friend I am.
Proverbs 17:17 ESV “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.”
- Am I a friend people know they can call?
- Have I learned to let grace season all my interactions?
- Do I forgive small hurts and continue to seek out friendship?
- Am I encouraging and supportive?
- Have I learned to listen as much as I speak?
- Am I willing to love someone who can’t love me back right now?
- Do I draw people to Christ because they see Him in me?
- Do I love them as much as I lean on them?
Deep friendships take cultivating to produce fruit, lots of grace and forgiveness, and devotion to Christ, and commitment to the relationship.
I thank God for the friends I have, because that precious handful of ladies made me a better friend, better woman, and a better Christian.
And I’m going to continue to seek to befriend women who need a friend. I’ll be the kind of friend God asks me to be as part of His family, whether the relationship is for a season or a lifetime.
Learning how to make friends as a Christian by loving people has been a huge blessing in my life.
God has shown me how to truly care for people. When we know people really love us and are invested in us, we want to be around them. And that is how I learned to make friends as a Christian woman.
35 Comments
Wendy @ One Exceptional Life
This post saddened me a bit as I don’t have the type of friends that you speak of here. Oh sure I have friends, even best friends, although over time we aren’t close like we used to be. And every one is long distance. But I have my church family. The friends I have in church are family. Although, it’s been on my heart to deepen these relationships. Time stands in the way. So little time. But I see the value and I know that we are to show these family members just how deep our friendships can go. Thank you for this. Great post!
Jennifer
I too have mostly long distance friends, but have found ways to make those relationships deep and special. I hope this post encourages you to reach out to your friends and build on your friendships.
Karen Del Tatto
Thank you for sharing your heart with all of us concerning friendships, especially friendships as Believers in Christ.
I am well acquainted with friends for a season which is not always easy, especially when the season ending had no rhyme or reason and felt more like a person “outgrew me”. I have tried my best to be the friend that I want people to be to me and despite the fact that I am usually always the one that makes the first move with all interactions, I keep at it, not in an obnoxious way, lol, but in a considerate, intentional way. In all honesty, lately I am growing weary of being the only one who reaches out and feeling the one-sidedness of it all.
I am currently in a season of no close friends who are local, just acquaintances. I was just saying to my daughter how important local friendships are, but at this stage of my life and in the circles I am in, and not for my lack of trying, this seems to be a season where it’s me and my best friend Jesus. The Lord knows my desire for friendship, and I will trust Him to lead me and guide me and open my eyes to the friendships He has prepared for me.
I am very thankful for a dear friend who I actually never met in person, but who I met through my blog. She has been such an incredible blessing to me. I also have close friends from years ago that when we talk, it’s like we never were physically apart.
Maybe, one day, like you, I’ll feel a nudge from the Holy Spirit to go up to a woman and say, “We are going to be best friends”. 😉
Thanks so much for sharing.
Jennifer
Many of my friends are no longer local either. Military life is like that. But what a beautiful tapestry for Christ all these seasons of friendships will be when we get to heaven and see how we poured into people. Do not grow weary of doing good. ❤️
Christy
Great article. I’ve made it my resolution this year to be more intentional about friendships and the Lord has greatly blessed me recently in this area. I have felt so lonely in this dept over the last few years and I see now that it was my own doing. I had too many qualifications, was chronically ill and sort of, well selfish. Not wanting to put the time into friendships but expecting them to fall into my lap. I have prayed for the Lord to show me those who feel this way so that I can seek them out. I don’t need to be the insecure one always waiting for people to include me. I’m taking more of the initiative. Don’t you feel good when someone asks you to lunch or to a movie? Be the person that asks!
Jennifer
Great point. We need to be the friend we want to have.
Heather
I completely get this! I also do not have one best friend, but several very close friends that meet different needs for me and I for them. I think while have a best friend from childhood and up may be the case for some people, it never was for me. I had a hard time connecting with people for long periods of time, I still do. My handful of friends is perfect for me though and I hope that I am as good a friend to them as they are for me!
Jennifer
Connecting is hard! God has been pushing me to learn to connect with more people even if they aren’t people who will be lifelong friends.
Mae
Amen to everything you said. What a timely article, too!
May God continue to bless us with enriching friendships that flourish and bless each other.
Jennifer
Amen!
Terri
Thank you for this, I just lost my best friend of 10 years and it is so hard.
Jennifer
I am so sorry for your loss! Praying for you during this difficult time.
Amy Hagerup
I always like to say that friends come in different flavors: one friend will touch your life in your “grandparenting/parenting,” another one will touch your life in your “online marketing,” another one holds you accountable with weight loss/eating. Those kinds of things! Love this!
Jennifer
Exactly! Thank you!
Amanda Gail Harrison
This is so true, God does have some people enter our lives for just a small season, a few weeks or months or a lifetime. I am a military brat so for most of my childhood and adolescenct years my friends were my family. Over the years, I have about three of those relationships that I value like sisters still today . I also have some wonderful blood relatives, my mom, sister, aunts, nieces, and some of my cousins. I have an amazing church family and that extends outside of the walls where I worship. Social media has helped me reconnect with alot of old friends, some are closer now than when we saw each other everyday. Being friends is hard at times. Everyone has unique and daily challenges. We are all living busy lives. Women have so much to accomplish each day. I am so thankful for the “best” friends who pray, laugh, love, struggle, cry, hurt, smile, champion, support, keep me accoutable, share thier lives with me and give part themselves each day being a true friend. I have been blessed with some amazing friends at different times in my life. I am thankful for the inner circle of friends that I can live life with. Sometimes I give uncondiotional love in friendship, and sometimes I am given the same (or more). I thank God for each day for the few womem that are constant in my life, even if thst might just be a hug, smile, or a how are you when they really want a truthful answer. I am so grateful for the friendships God has allowed to grow, some as strong and old as an oaktree and some a fresh as the sunrise. I know God has a plan for me and thank Him for placing “best” friends in my life. Jen, I count amoung the “best”.
Jennifer
Oh thank you so much, sweetheart!
Carol@BlueskyKitchen
Jennifer, You’ve raised questions that I think most women ask of themselves. Very insightful and thought~provoking. Having friends is a great gift. When I was a little girl, we had a song, “Make new friends, but keep the old; some are silver and the other gold.” All are treasures.
Jennifer
I remember that song; you are so correct
Bree
I really love this! I have struggled with many girlfriends and never feel I really connect with many, but I love how you take it back to ourselves. How we need to make sure we are being the kind of woman others want to befriend first and foremost!
Jennifer
I find that draws the right women to us!
Irina Rena
I don’t have so much time for friends. However, I never felt the need for friends because I have two sisters who I am best friends with. We talk on the phone every day and they mean the world to me. They live 1 hour and 20 minutes (that’s one way) away from me but I try to see them once a week. It is a blessing to know that I can share everything with them. That they wish the best for me. I pray my children will be as close as my sisters are. Ive had best friends growing up but once I got married or moved away we stopped communicating. I have been thinking lately what I look for in friendships and what kind of friend I want to be. Thanks for sharing. 🙂
Jennifer
You are very lucky to have such close sisters. Those are best friends.
Marisa
I’ve made a lot of friends since we moved to Oklahoma over a year ago, but I still miss the kind of friendship I used to have with my besties. It’s so easy to feel like the girl who’s left out when everyone else has basically grown up here, and then the normal feelings of insecurity that always creep in no matter what. I really appreciate your encouragement to think about the type of friend I want to be instead of the one I want to have!
Jennifer
I wish we were closer. I feel like we’d be fast friends
Rachel Osborn
Yeah, I don’t really have anyone like that in my life…when all your friends have small children is there anyone you could call anytime of the day?? Lol. It is so hard to develop deep relationships in today busy day and age. Everyone is too busy for us.
Jennifer
Why it is so important that we stop and take time for others and build that into our lives
Kate @ Did That Just Happen?
It takes a lot of work to nurture grown up friendships – and I have worked hard and made it a priority. And then I started decluttering my house. And my thoughts. And I prayed that God would remove those from my life that weren’t supposed to be in my journey, that weren’t the people that He wanted in my life, and I wasn’t surprised by the sense of release that started to come my way. There are a few people that I’m totally okay with not making a priority in my life, no matter how close we used to be – I can see how I am changing and growing and am okay that they don’t make this next part of the journey with me.
Not easy, but worth it. Sends me running to pray sometimes, but that’s a good thing! I’m very loyal, but only have a few close friends, and as those are going away, I worry that I’ll never have friends again… and that’s when I stop and pray some more!
and no, I didn’t tag anyone on BFF day 🙂
Jennifer
I really don’t want to let people go. I want them in my life. It hurts when people I’ve prayed with and over have walked away from my friendship. It hurts when people let my faith dictate whether they can be my friend even though I never let their sin get in the way of loving them. But God says they rejected Jesus and will reject Jesus in us.
Sarah Ann (@faithalongway)
I feel the same way! I’ve always struggled with not having a best friend, although as I get older, it has drawn me closer to the relationship with the Lord and reminded me how HE the best friend of all! Great post!
Jennifer
Thanks!
Brandi @ penguinsinpink.com
You know what, Jen? I don’t have a best girl friend either. I have my husband and that’s about it. Sure I have “friends” at church and Bible study but I don’t consider any of them my best friends. I am very much like you. I didn’t make childhood friends that lasted a life time and I still don’t have many friends. But I realize that most of that is my fault. I don’t try hard enough anymore. So I will be working on learning to be a friend, too.
Jennifer
Certainly being a better friend is something that will make a huge difference for people you meet. I know it has made a big difference in my life just recently, and I hope it will continue to bring me some wonderful women.
Andrea
learning how to be a best friend – that’s my thing these days 😀
Laura
This is beautiful, Jen. What a great idea to think about what kind of friend I am to my friends on this day vs. only focusing on the friends in my life who are good friends to me. I am in a busy season of life, which has caused me to not be as present for my friends as I would like. Although time and obligations are true barriers, I see that I can be doing more! And from what I know of you, any woman would be lucky to call you friend!
Jennifer
Thank you, Laura! I sense camaraderie when I read your blog too. It is hard for me to be a friend sometimes because I like solitary time a lot. I need to remember that others don’t and to make a point to come out of my hermitage once in awhile for them.